DON'T HATE ME, MOM

Twenty years ago I gave birth to a boy, his face was pretty handsome but seemed a little stupid. Sam, my husband named him Eric. the longer he grows, it becomes clearer that his retarded. I wanted to give him to another person to make him as a slave or servant. But Sam prevented that bad intention. finally I was forced to rise him. In the second year after Eric was born, I also gave born to a cute and very beautiful girl. I named him angelica. I loved angelica so much, also Sam. We often take her to park and buy some beautiful clothes. But it wasn't the case with Eric. HE just had some set of worn clothes. Sam intended to also buy for for him. But I always forbade him under the pretext of saving. Sam always followed my said.
when Angelica was 2, Sam passed away. Eric had been 4 that time. Our family had been poor with the accumulate debt. finally I took an action that made me sorry whole my life. I leaved my home birth with Angelica. Eric who was sleeping I just leaved him. Then I lived in hut after my house sold to pay our debts. A year... 2 years... 5 years... 10 years passed after that moment.
I got married again with Brad, an adult male. Our mirage age stepped on the fifth year. Thanks to Brad, my bad natures that at the first time was grumpy, selfish, and haughty, changed little by little to more patient and loving. No one remember about Eric any more and no one name him.
Until one night. A night that I dreamed about a boy. his face was pretty handsome but seemed so pale. He was looking at me. While smiling he said, "Auntie, do auntie know my mommy? I velly miss hel." After saying that he wanted to go, bit I stopped him. "wait... It seems I know you. what's your name?"
"My name is Elic, auntie."
"Eric? Oh my god...you're really Eric?"
I immediately gasped and woke up. Guilt,regret and many other strange feelings hit me. Suddenly flashed back the ironic story that happened first as film played in my mind. only now I realized how bad was what I did first. It felt like I wanted to die that time. Yes, I have to die...die...die... When there just left one inch between the knife and my wrist, Eric's shadow crossed back in my mind. Yes Eric, mommy will come and pick you up...
that afternoon I parked my blue car beside a hut, and Brad with wondering look was staring at me.
"Mary, what does really happen?"
"Oh, Brad, you will hate after I tel you what I've done first." But I told him with a sob.
God is really good to me. He gave me a very kind and understanding husband. After I stopped crying, I got out from my car and followed by Brad from behind. My eyes was staring at the hut that stretched two yards in front of me. I begin to remember how I had lived in that hut several months and Eric...Eric...I leaved Eric there 10 years ago. with sad feelings I ran into the hut and opened it's door that made of bamboo. So dark... nothing was seen! My eyes slowly accustomed with the darkness at that little room. But I didn't find anyone there. Only a piece of worn cloth lying on the floor.
I took that cloth while observing it carefully... My eyes began to glaze... I know that piece of cloth, it was Eric's worn cloth that every day he wears... A few moments later, with feelings that hard to explain, I went out from that room... My tears are flowing swift. That time I was just quiet. A few moments later I and Brad went to ride our car and leave the place. But, I saw someone behind our car. I was surprised because that time was so dark. Then the face of that person was seen that was so dirty. She was an old woman. I was shocked again when she called me with her hoarse voice.
"Hey... Who are you? What do you want here?"
With a courage, I asked her, "Ma'am, do you know a boy named Eric that was living here?" She answered, "If you are his mother, you are really a damned woman! You know, 10 years ago since you leaved him here, Eric kept waiting for his mother and calling, 'Mommy... Mommy...'because I felt sorry for him, I often give some food to him and invite him to stay with me. Although I'm poor and just working as a scavenger, but I never leave my son like that! Three year ago he left this paper. For year he learned how write just to write this letter for you..."
And I read the words in that paper...
"Mommy...Why Mommy never come back again...??
Mommy is angry with Eric, isn't you? Mom, just let Eric go, but Mommy have to promise to not be mad at Eric any more. Bye, Mom..." I screamed hysterically reading that letter.
"please tell me...Tell me where is he now? I promise I will love him now! I never leave him again! Pleas tell me..!!"
Brad hugs my body that was shaking hard.
"Ma'am everything is late now. One day before ma'am come, Eric passed away. His body was so thin, he was so weak. only for the sake of waiting for you he was willing to stand behind this hut without daring to go inside. He was afraid when his Mommy comes, his Mommy will go again if she saw him there...He was just wishing that can see his Mommy from behind of this hut...Even rain was swift, with his weak condition he kept waiting for you...Mrs your sin is not forgivable."
after that I passed out and didn't remember anything anymore.